Tender Mercies of the Lord

Elder Bednar

1 Nephi 1:20 "....But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance."                           

Since I heard Elder Bednar's General Conference address on this topic back in 2005 this phrase has passed through my mind often and the tender mercies the Lord has bestowed upon me and my family.  Two events in particular stand out to me that remind me how very aware the Lord is of me personally.  One is my experience of being lost in Paris France after my passport was stolen in August 1980 and the other when Claire came down with Bacterial Meningitis in May 1990.

When Claire was 4 we were living in Alpharetta, GA.  Kayla was 16 months old and I had just found out I was pregnant with Carly.  Everything seemed to be going wonderful in our lives. As Mother's Day approached I was excited to call and tell my parents they would be grandparents again AND discuss the details of my mother and sister Leann's trip to see me in 4 weeks.  Leann had served her mission in Atlanta and was returning to tour her mission with mom and see us.  When I called on Sunday May 13th, mom told me Leann had been thinking about their trip and decided she didn't want to wait 4 weeks to come and felt impressed to change their tickets......I was a little dismayed to learn they were not coming in 4 weeks, but in 3 days! I wasn't ready for them!  All I could think about was everything on the calendar between now and Wednesday and how I was going to fit cleaning the house and making up beds for them by then too.  Little did I know our world would turn upside down before then, with Claire's life hanging in the balance and the tender mercies of the Lord revealed.

On Monday, May 14th I spent the day trying to clean the house while Claire was at Pre-school at Sister Briem's house with all her friends.  That night for Family Home Evening we went over to Mike and Joyce Haynie's house to celebrate a birthday and have cake and ice cream.  I had my first official doctor appointment to confirm my pregnancy the next day and Joyce offered to watch the girls for me.  Claire woke up in the middle of the night complaining that she did not feel good and told me "Mommy, I don't like cake anymore".  I called Joyce the morning of May 15th and told her Claire didn't feel good, but she told me to bring them over anyway and she could rest on her couch.  At the doctor's office they confirmed I was in fact truly pregnant and they started me on massive hormones so I wouldn't miscarry again.  I was thrilled!  I was due December 30, 1990.  Randy was thrilled---Tax Deduction!!
When I arrived at the Haynies, Joyce met me at the door with a very concerned look on her face.  She told me Claire had thrown up several times, was very hot with a fever and was pretty lethargic. I thought maybe she had the flu, so I took her home and set her up on the couch where I could monitor her.  All afternoon her fever crept higher and she slept for hours, except when she would cry out and complain her tummy and neck hurt.  Around 4pm I called Joyce back and asked her what she thought of me calling the new doctor she worked for and asking the advice nurse about Claire's fever.  (I had a regular pediatrician, but was very unsatisfied with them because they always treated me like I was a stupid first time mother and did not know anything about children and when to take them to the doctor or deal with it at home.) Joyce agreed, so I called the office and told them Claire's temperature was 105* and I was very concerned about letting her go through the night like that. I did not even have to touch her to know she was burning up....I could feel the heat coming off her as I stood near the couch! I also told the nurse Claire was very lethargic and would only open her eyes when I literally yelled at her to wake up.  They told me to come in just to ease my mind (the other office would have told me I was worrying too much).  I called Randy and asked him to come home and as soon as he walked in the door I could see alarm on his face as I carried Claire to the car and left him to deal with Kayla.

At the doctors office, I took Claire out of the car and layed her head on my shoulder as I started towards the front door.  Just as I got there Claire vomitted all down the back of me and cried, but never opened her eyes.  They directed me to a back room where they gave me a lab coat of some kind to change into and to keep Claire away from the other patients.  The minute the doctor came into the room I could see real concern spread over her face as she began to examine Claire.  She gave me a cautious look, but didn't speak at first.  [You have to know here that 2 months previously I had come to her for the first time to have her check out Kayla's eye.  I had been to my other Dr and they told me it was nothing, Kayla was just fussy and I just needed to give her some extra TLC for the day.  By that afternoon Kayla's eye had swollen to the size of a large egg and she just cried and whimpered as I rocked her.  Nothing would console her....so Joyce had recommended this new doctor in town and got me in to see her that afternoon.  When she examined Kayla she matter-of-factly stated I needed to take her to the ER immediately.  Can't even remember the diagnosis, but it caught me off guard and I broke down and cried as I called Randy.  The doctor was a foreigner and I guess did not know what to do with me and my emotions.  I told her this was just me and not to worry, but she thought I was hysterical and needed calming down.] Before she could say anything to me I said "Does she have meningitis?" She didn't confirm it, but asked why I would say that.  I told her it just came to me.  I was very calm.....and I think that's what scared her after witnessing my breakdown 2 months earlier.  She thought I was in shock and was going to go bullistic on her any moment. She asked my permission to give Claire a shot of a strong antibiotic in her leg [which I think saved her life] and then call an ambulance to transport her to Scottish-Rite children's hospital north of Atlanta.  I authorized it and then called Randy and asked him to meet me there with another priesthood holder so they could give her a blessing.  I did not know then how I held it together as I drove to the hospital behind the ambulance...but now I know it was one of those tender mercies.  I was very anxious in the ER as we waited for someone to come out and talk to us.  I kept telling the nurses I wanted my pastor to go in with my husband, but they told me it had to wait until after her spinal tap. As soon as they were finished the priesthood went in and gave her a blessing.  After that I felt peace.  I knew Claire's life was in the Lord's hands and I prayed the doctors would know what to do for her.  Shortly thereafter someone came to tell us that they had to do a 2nd spinal tap and I cried as I could hear Claire screaming, but they would not let me go to her.

When they wheeled Claire into the ICU I asked when I could see her.  They told me I wouldn't be allowed in her room because they understood I was pregnant and they did not want to risk my pregnancy.  I sat in the waiting room for a long time and finally rang the buzzer and told the staff I wanted to see my child.  Eventually I won because I finally said "Who do you think slept with her last night when she complained of birthday cake making her sick?  Who do you think has been with her all day?  Who do you think she threw up all over on the way to see the doctor?  ME! So if there's going to be anything wrong with my unborn child it has already happened."  The staff  still wanted to limit my time with Claire because of my pregnancy, so that evening Randy came to stay at the hospital all night and I went home to be with Kayla.

While I had been with Claire, Randy had the hard task of calling the family to tell them what was going on, but had little information to share with them other than she did have bacterial meningitis.
Early Wednesday morning, May 16th I woke to the phone ringing.  I panicked a little thinking it was Randy with bad news, but when I answered I could hardly understand the person on the other end because they were crying.  I finally heard, "is she going to die?" It was Randy's father, Elmer.  I was shocked. Their relationship was strained, especially since the divorce of his parents, so he was not the person I would have expected to call.  We spoke briefly and I tried to be reassuring saying we had to exercise faith and leave it in the Lord's hands and hope for her full recovery.  When I hung up the phone however I knealt down by the side of my bed and sobbed as I prayed.  I felt so overwhelmed and wondered what we were going to do.....will Claire be okay....what if she dies....who will watch Kayla so I can go to the hospital... how is Randy going to function at work....how are we going to pay the bills....how are we going to get through this?  As I knealt there a sudden warm, calming feeling washed over me and a very clear thought entered my mind...."your mother is coming today with your sister."  The very thing I had been dismayed by 3 days earlier turned out to be a huge tender mercy!
I always have to remind myself that while I see only a small piece of the puzzle, Heavenly Father sees the whole picture and knows exactly what I need and when. I have to do as my favorite scripture says and trust in Him.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct they paths."   Proverbs 3:5-6

 A dear friend once told me, "you are only as happy as your saddest child".  I think I understand that much better today than I did a few years ago.  As I face a new family challenge I must remember to exercise my faith, trust in the Lord and pray that his promise of tender mercies in my life and the lives of my family will be recognized and appreciated.



If you are interested in reading Elder Bednar's General Conference talk in 2005 you can find it here: The Tender Mercies of the Lord--Elder Bednar